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A ball of glass will bounce higher then a ball of rubber.

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Parenthood.

Sheena posted today about how Mom nags her and how it makes her not want to have kids:
Sodawing

Here's my reply:
"Or why I didn't have any compunction to make a ton of money. Doug and I are more Dad's kids, and I think that makes her sad."

Mom is a pretty good mom, especially now that I don't live with her. Dad is still an okay Dad, made worse because I work with him.

But we are not more Dad's kids than Mom's kids. I hear every day that Jason (a co-worker) makes more money than I do, why don't I work as hard as he does (he works 18 hour days and weekends), and why I dress this way or that way. Dad would give you the same shit as Mom, about your room, about how much money you're making, about your ambition or lack thereof. I know because I hear it from him, not just about myself, but about you. "What is Sheena doing? Does she still want to be a teacher? Why doesn't she want to make more money?" You just don't hear it because you live 15 minutes away.

I think that as parents you make so many sacrifices that the only way to justify them is to tell yourself that you are raising someone great. Someone who will garner the respect of all society. Every time Dad looks at me, I feel his disappointment, that I could've been "somebody." A world-changer. A great.

And in the morning, when it's quiet, before Reina gets up, and it's just me and my thoughts, it's there. "You could've been somebody. If only. If only. If only."

But there's something else there too. When Reina and I talk about our futures, about our future kids, I can't help but think "Man, our kids. They're going to be somebody. They're going to be great. I have so much to teach them."

THAT is why Mom nags you. And the only reason Dad doesn't is because he is deathly afraid you will leave him if he does (I shit you not when I say it is his greatest fear we'll do it again).

Mom and Dad made a huge sacrifice to bring us into this world. They did it, as every parent does, because they hope we will achieve something greater than they have. And every day that hope fades just a little more.

That's what parenthood is, you know. Expectations met and unmet. You yourself already have expectations for your kids (that they aren't money-grubbing control freaks) but what if they are? Will you look at them with disappointment and say "Why don't you mess up your room a little? Don't you have any compunction to write a nice poem?"

And then someday you will come to a choice: 1. Come to terms with their failure to be everything you want them to be, and you will say "Well, I did my best." or 2. Keep trying. And if you aren't willing to choose the second option 99.9% of the time, then maybe no, you shouldn't be a parent.

posted by Doug 8:04 AM

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