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daily snapple fact #27
A ball of glass will bounce higher then a ball of rubber.

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doug at freewayslowdance.com

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FedEx Guy got Scared.

Knock knock.

Me: "Oh, fucking hell. It's 9:30. Don't people have any decency?!"

Knock knock knock.

I get up and open the door. The side-garage door.

FedEx Guy: "Whoa!"

FedEx jumps back and turns around, since he was facing the front door. Roommate Josh opens the front door, FedEx jumps back again.

FedEx Guy: "Holy cripe. Coming from all sides."

the following should have happened but didn't.

Roommate Josh: "Goddamn, WTF. Get! Get out of the garage." Josh gets a broom and chases me away. "Sorry, man. They asians around here, they think they can just move right in and set-up a laundromat in your garage. Happens all the time."

posted by Doug 10:25 AM

Oh Hellz Nah. Not in MY house, bitch.

As I lay me down to sleep, I heard the scurry of little feet. "Shit," I thought. "Mice." I had found one dead outside my garage not two days ago, and tonight, a live one and I would square off.

"Well ... Not tonight. Maybe tomorrow," I thought and rolled my lazy ass over. Pitter-pat-pitter-pat-pitter-pat. The little bugger scurrying from above my head. Pitter-pat-pitter-pat, it went. "Go to bed, Mouse." I said, and then it knocked over a drawing of Exploding Dog and ran to the other side of the room. Oh, Fuck No. You do not knock-over my Comic-Con memorabilia, Mouse. Poorly played. "Click." I hit the light. "It's on now." and there the bastard was, frozen, still as a ... mouse, on the garage door railing.

"Don't play coy with me, mouse." I said. "I see you." And I turned on some more lights and grabbed a fucking broom. Because that's what you do with mice. You hit them with brooms or sticks. I've seen the cartoons. I know.

I cracked the fourth wall/garage door open a bit, and prepared my assault. The mouse leaped behind a pair of closet doors propped against the wall. I took the broom and shoved it behind the doors. "Out, MOUSE!" I yelled, and it knew it was cornered, darting out and running straight at me. I swatted it with the broom, and the fucker flew a foot, rolled and went scurrying the other way, jumping over a cardboard box, and making its escape under the door and into the cool night.

I hope, for your sake, we do not meet again, Mouse. I will not be so lenient next time.

Doug: 1 Mouse: 0

posted by Doug 1:09 AM

I've got Dungeons Masters Guide, Twelve-sided Die and Kitty Pride.

Okay, folks, don't tell the building-code inspector, but I am all moved into the garage. Or, well, mostly anyway. Specs:

Room-Size: 18' x 22' (approx.)
Avg. Room Temp. Night: Cold
Avg. Room Temp. Day: Hot & Stuffy.
Other notes:
Whenever anybody uses any water in the house, I can hear the water heater doing its thing. It's also a very hard space to light, given that most of the walls are black, and the rafters and wooden support structures on the wall absorb a lot of light. I can hear every jogger, every car that drives by, every neighbor tending their yard.

On the plus side, it's huge, fits my piano, two desks, a bed, two bookcases, my computer, 3 guitars, an amp, my plastic dresser-thing from Target, as well as all the usual garage-type stuff: water-heater, broken t.v., boxes of crap, tire and forgotten furniture, with plenty of room to spare.

I'm saving about $300 a month on rent, paying $200 + utilities.

Negs: I might as well be living in a tent. Pos: A very big tent with access to a kitchen, bathroom, internet access, electricity and a kickin' (or at least, almost decent) theatre system in the living room.

Ah yes. Life is good. Insulation is for pussies.

posted by Doug 9:25 AM

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