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daily snapple fact #27
A ball of glass will bounce higher then a ball of rubber.

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doug at freewayslowdance.com

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Right Now ... You've never seen a taste like this.

getting old ... the other day, a couple of my co-workers, who are both 17, were discussing the new Sprite.

Me: It's like Crystal Clear Pepsi.
Krystle & Maria: Crystal What?
Me:Clear Pepsi. You guys remember Crystal Clear Pepsi right? That was just a couple years ago. ... Right?
Krystle & Maria: You are so old. What was that, like, an 80s drink, Grampa?

No, you motherfuckers, it was 1992. A Caffeine-Free, Natural Flavor, Low Sodium, No Preservatives alternative to Cola. Remember? It was pushed by Van Halen "Right Now." Remember, Crystal Clear Pepsi introduced to us the full-size Photo-Realistic Transit Bus Advertisement Wrap!

Unopened Cans of Crystal Clear Pepsi (from 1992) are available for approximately $25 a can on eBay. I wonder if there're people out there who hoarded enough of it when it was discontinued that they were able to drink it regularly for the past 11 years.

Ray Charles, on Crystal Clear Pepsi: "'I may be blind, but I can still taste." Yes, folks, Crystal Clear was a failure. You'll note that Pepsi's History on their website doesn't even MENTION the stuff. Not once.

But hear this, Krystle & Maria, you'll be saying the same thing 11 years from now about Sprite ReMix and Pepsi Blue.

Gramps. Geez.

posted by Doug 12:17 PM

How To Win Over An Asian Chick.

This photo is approximately 4 years old, taken at our old house before our family came crashing down. That's another story. She'll probably kill me for posting the photo, too. But. I wanted to take the time to say if you dig asians like Sheena, you should visit this website. It will tell you how to win the little gook, jap, chink or whathaveyou over with the secret Chinese love language. On second thought, maybe just the little chinks.

Example
Phrase: Ni yao bu yao bo ba nai cha?
Meaning: Do you want breast milk tea?
Literal translation - You want no want breast milk tea?
Notes - Even if she wants to say "no," she won't be able to. Hence, do this enough and she's yours.

Yessiree, this will allow you to win over any asian (as long as it's chinese, but they're a fifth of the world's population anyway... you're bound to find one to your liking). My friends, here is your golden ticket.

Oh yeah, and if you try it on my sister, I will kill you.

posted by Doug 1:28 AM

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